Not for the more obvious reasons you might think.
I was afraid that I’d turn on the ignition, drive away, and never look back – giving in to the wanderlust that ensnares my soul at times. A lot of times.
There is, of course, a precedent for this concern.
I once went away on vacation and didn’t return for two years.
So when I came across the book, ‘Exit the Rainmaker’, I was captivated. It was the story of a man named Jay Carsey who walked away from his entire existence – his job, his home, his friends, his wife – by simply disappearing.
What made this story unusual was that he was the president of a college in the US. He had ‘the house’, the beautiful trophy wife. Everything was seemingly perfect on the outside. In fact, there was no keeping up with the Joneses here…he was the Jones.
Other than running away from the problems that can sometimes plague one’s existence, I wondered what could possibly possess someone to do something like this?
I was intrigued.
Sometimes I imagine what it would be like to just…disappear.
To walk away and become someone new. Someone else. Someone different.
Like a do-over.
To say the story struck a chord in me is an understatement.
But then I am reminded of a few things.
I love my very existence and if I want change in my life – it’s up to me to make the changes. Life just doesn’t happen to me unless I allow it. So I try to live my life with purpose, on purpose.
The brave thing is to take responsibility and become 100% accountable for the way life has turned out. To make the changes that need changing. To accept ourselves for who we are and where we are.
I think back over my life and I realize that when I walked away from my career, my relationship, and all that money – I made that choice myself. I wasn’t happy, so I changed the things that needed changing. It was super scary, but I needed it to happen…for me.
And I was better for it.
I won’t lie and say everything turned out perfectly. No. Of course not. But it is a life by my design, and I’m working on my own do-over and I have no idea where I’ll end up. But that’s okay.
I’m better for it.